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“Traditional practices offer some help,” she acknowledges, “but they lack a scientific basis and often make it difficult for women to recognize or address postpartum depression.” In Kashmir, traditional practices such as a 40-day confinement period, although aimed at recovery, often lead to isolation.
Kausar says her mother took care of her, but the experience was very isolating. During this time her husband was not there, due to which she was struggling with the heavy thoughts and fear going on in her mind at that time, this incident was related to her childhood friend.
Her friend has tragically lost her baby to Sudden Infant Death Syndrome (SIDS) – the sudden, unexpected and unexplained death of an apparently healthy baby, a condition that is still largely unknown in Kashmir. Her mother-in-law had wrongly accused her of causing this tragedy. -Law, who accused her of being a negligent mother.
Reflecting on this, she points to the stigma associated with mental health in Kashmir, where discussing emotional struggles is often seen as a sign of weakness. “I can’t even say it out loud, for fear that saying it might make it true,” she says in a trembling voice. She ended the conversation in a sad tone by whispering, “khudarachin his maj” – May God save every mother from such pain.
“Family interference and rigid expectations further complicate the issue,” says Dr. Zoya.
Living in a small community with her in-laws, Zahra says she faced constant criticism for her parenting style, which further increased her feelings of inadequacy. “I was always told what to do and how to do it, but no one asked how I was feeling,” she says. This lack of autonomy and understanding pushed Zahra into a cycle of guilt and despair. Gave.
“I come from Srinagar city, where houses are very close to each other, and neighbors are treated like family and they interfere a lot.”
She recalls one particular incident that shook her. “One day, soon after my delivery, I was eating bread and butter, when a woman from the neighborhood came to my in-laws’ house. She looked at me, frightened and screamed, “HATA MYANE KHUDAYA”‘ (Oh my God)! How can you eat it? Don’t you know that this will make your baby sick because you are breastfeeding him, so everything you eat goes to your baby?,
Zahra says this moment reflects the loss of agency she experienced.
